I had a conversation (a short one) with a guy who had found me online and wanted to take me out and recently I’ve been unsure of what I want out of a relationship and if I even want one at all right now.
I have always been a relationship person since I was 13 I think I have been in and out of relationships with boys. I have never really given myself a break to look after myself. During my last break up, I was on a total low in terms of confidence in myself. I had felt so underappreciated for so long I just needed time to work on that. Since then I have felt like, even though I have had attention from men online constantly asking to take me out every single day, something has been missing. And I think that is self-love and self-appreciation. I have to learn to love myself and fully appreciate myself before I can let anyone in again.
So back to this conversation this guy has been asking me out every day for a week and we haven’t met before and haven’t messaged a lot. I’d maybe reply every now and again because I wasn’t really interested but I’m too nice to just ignore people which is my first flaw. The other day we got into a small chat conversation again before he turns around and asks “do you think I can take you out for a drink some time”. Nothing wrong with asking good on him for doing so, but the conversation that followed was what made me mad. I told him I was unsure of what I wanted at this moment in time and that I didn’t particularly want a relationship or to date. He asked what I was looking for I told him “as cringey as it sounds I want to love myself first before I get into another relationship” (honestly I have had this exact conversation at least 4 or 5 times at this point and I was fully sick of explaining my story and why I am how I am). He proceeded to ask if I wanted something casual or just a f**k buddy.
What is it with people thinking that this is what I want just because I say that I don’t want a relationship. Honestly, I get asked things like this every single day and it’s pretty gross to take from the idea that I want to love myself to that I just want easy sex makes me sick.
At this point, I think I sort of just lost my cool and had a go at him. But he just couldn’t take no for an answer. Every conversation I have like this no-one seems to think that me saying ‘no I don’t want to’ is enough and they seem to think that they can change my mind. I told him I wanted something real and genuine and that happens naturally because I’m so sick of meeting people online and it not going how I want it to.
HE STILL COULDNT TAKE A HINT!
My only response to this was “take some advice when a girl says no, she means no, she hasn’t got to explain herself to you” in reply I got the big old middle finger and a quick unfriending.
I have gotten to a point so many times now where I’ve already said no at least 3 times and they are still asking questions trying to make me explain why I don’t want to do something.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ANYBODY!
No means no and that is where it should end!
Telling someone your entire life story as to why you have come to the conclusion that you don’t want to go to someone’s place or you don’t want to go for a drink or that your not ready for a relationship at this point in your life should not be necessary. If anything it just puts you off of them 100 times more than if they had just taken the first 6 hints you had given them leading up to this point.
I have a conversation along these lines with random people every single week. I feel flattered yes that you want to take me out but at the same time, you HAVE to know where the line is drawn. When she says no just accept it because honestly your just letting yourself down.
I have come to the point where I’m just ignoring most messages that start with do you want to meet up to try to avoid having this conversation over and over with people. But I’m far too nice of a person sometimes so I often either leave people on read unfortunately which brings up a whole new discussion, or have a really short conversation just to end it.
Don’t feel like you have to satisfy everyone. I have only very recently started doing that. because it’s such a draining thing to do every single day trying to make every single person I speak to happy. It is a task and a half and its not really possible. The majority would only be satisfied when I’m either sat across a table from them getting drunk or naked in their bed.
Neither of which are going to happen so why am I wasting the energy?!
Other peoples comments and concerns do not matter you’ve got to do what’s best for you and if that is time for yourself you shouldn’t feel like you aren’t allowed to take it just because one person feels like you shouldn’t.
You are the main character in your story without you there is no story to be told so focus on yourself every now and again.